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Part Two
Jack: Hey Ianto
Gwen: Ianto’s not here. But I wanted a word with you anyway.
Jack: Uh oh, sounds ominous.
Gwen: Ianto was supposed to say last time but he must have got side tracked.
Jack: So where is he anyway?
Gwen: There was a weevil sighting in the town centre. And Ianto’s best at dealing with them.
Jack: He was taught by the best.
Gwen: He is the best. And now he’s not spending all day making you coffee, he gets the chance to prove it.
Jack: He’s not stopped making coffee has he? What incentive is there to come back if he has?
Gwen: Don’t worry, he wouldn’t risk that happening.
Gwen: Speaking of which, when are you coming back Jack?
Jack: I don’t know. I’m sorry Gwen, it’s complicated.
Gwen: I’m sure it is – you’re involved.
Jack: Oi! I am still your boss you know.
Gwen: Yeah well you’re not here and Ianto is more than capable of standing in.
Jack: How’s that going?
Gwen: Fine. Give it a couple of months and I’m sure Owen will eventually get over it. He was rather enjoying being in charge even if he was crap at it.
Jack: Yeah that sounds like Owen. Give him a millimetre of power and he’ll take a light-year.
Jack: Anyway, I want to know what you’ve been doing.
Gwen: Well I want to know what you’ve been doing.
Jack: It’s not that interesting.
Gwen: You think our work is?
Jack: Fair enough.
Gwen: I’ll do you a deal, you tell me what you did today and I’ll tell you what I did.
Jack: Well we didn’t do much, to be honest. Did a bit of shopping.
Gwen: Sounds very exciting.
Jack: Go on then, what did you do?
Gwen: I spent most of the morning filing reports on a hoax UFO sighting while Owen flicked screwed up bits of paper at Tosh, who was trying to translate an alien document we found in some old guy’s shed.
Jack: And Ianto?
Gwen: Actually I’m not sure. He never was the most talkative person and you were the person he talked to most.
Jack: And of course I’m not there – you don’t have to say it Gwen.
Gwen: I think I do Jack. I don’t think you realise just how worried we were when you vanished into thin air. We had no idea where you were or what you were doing. You didn’t even say goodbye!
Jack: I’m really sorry. I just got a bit distracted when the Doctor turned up.
Gwen: It took three days for Tosh to clean up the CCTV footage. When you first talked to Ianto we didn’t have a clue what was going on.
Jack: He didn’t say anything.
Gwen: What was he going to say? “Thanks for abandoning us sir. I’ve been really trying to hold it together since you murdered my girlfriend and then you go and die then disappear without a trace within a few days and I just can’t wait to fall to pieces all over again.” And then as he didn’t say anything the first time it was even harder the second time.
Jack: I didn’t mean to hurt him. Or any of you.
Gwen: It’s not me you need to apologise to.
Doctor: Mind if I join in?
Jack: Doctor! Come meet Gwen.
Gwen: Hello Doctor.
Doctor: Hello. Did Jack tell you about the really cool market we went to today? They sold these fantastic little devices that can recognise a song that’s in your head and automatically produce a melody that will get it out of your head again, whilst simultaneously producing an amazing kaleidoscope effect of lights that vary in time with the music.
Gwen: He didn’t, no.
Doctor: And then yesterday there were these fish-like creatures that kidnapped Martha because they wanted to use her skin to cushion their eggs and Jack managed to work out a way to use the indigenous leaves as a camouflage and sneak up behind them, steal one of their own knives and negotiate the return of Martha as well as some of the delicious sponges that they cultivate, which are a rare delicacy in these parts because the Shriling are so loath to part with it.
Gwen: If this is your “not very interesting”, I’d hate to see you two on a busy day.
Jack: Well it sounds good when he says it like that.
Doctor: How else was I going to say it?
Jack: Oh I don’t know. Mention the part where you work out where they’re hiding Martha through a combination of blagging, natural charm and threats, or the part where my gun won’t fire because there’s water in the mechanism?
Doctor: What can I say? We complement each other.
Gwen: Glad to here it.
Jack: So what’s going on with Steve then?
Doctor: Steve?
Jack: Tosh’s new bloke.
Gwen: They’re going on a date tonight, I think.
Jack: Tell her I hope it goes well. And to not do anything I wouldn’t do.
Gwen: Does that rule anything out?
Jack: Seriously, I miss all you guys.
Gwen: And we all miss you, so you’d better come back. Or at least come online again soon.
Jack: Of course I will.
Gwen: Well I’d better get back to my filing. Ianto’ll kill me if I haven’t finished it by the time he gets back.
Gwen: Nice to meet you Doctor.
Doctor: Same to you Gwen.
Jack: Bye
Gwen: Bye
[conversation ends]
Gwen: Ianto’s not here. But I wanted a word with you anyway.
Jack: Uh oh, sounds ominous.
Gwen: Ianto was supposed to say last time but he must have got side tracked.
Jack: So where is he anyway?
Gwen: There was a weevil sighting in the town centre. And Ianto’s best at dealing with them.
Jack: He was taught by the best.
Gwen: He is the best. And now he’s not spending all day making you coffee, he gets the chance to prove it.
Jack: He’s not stopped making coffee has he? What incentive is there to come back if he has?
Gwen: Don’t worry, he wouldn’t risk that happening.
Gwen: Speaking of which, when are you coming back Jack?
Jack: I don’t know. I’m sorry Gwen, it’s complicated.
Gwen: I’m sure it is – you’re involved.
Jack: Oi! I am still your boss you know.
Gwen: Yeah well you’re not here and Ianto is more than capable of standing in.
Jack: How’s that going?
Gwen: Fine. Give it a couple of months and I’m sure Owen will eventually get over it. He was rather enjoying being in charge even if he was crap at it.
Jack: Yeah that sounds like Owen. Give him a millimetre of power and he’ll take a light-year.
Jack: Anyway, I want to know what you’ve been doing.
Gwen: Well I want to know what you’ve been doing.
Jack: It’s not that interesting.
Gwen: You think our work is?
Jack: Fair enough.
Gwen: I’ll do you a deal, you tell me what you did today and I’ll tell you what I did.
Jack: Well we didn’t do much, to be honest. Did a bit of shopping.
Gwen: Sounds very exciting.
Jack: Go on then, what did you do?
Gwen: I spent most of the morning filing reports on a hoax UFO sighting while Owen flicked screwed up bits of paper at Tosh, who was trying to translate an alien document we found in some old guy’s shed.
Jack: And Ianto?
Gwen: Actually I’m not sure. He never was the most talkative person and you were the person he talked to most.
Jack: And of course I’m not there – you don’t have to say it Gwen.
Gwen: I think I do Jack. I don’t think you realise just how worried we were when you vanished into thin air. We had no idea where you were or what you were doing. You didn’t even say goodbye!
Jack: I’m really sorry. I just got a bit distracted when the Doctor turned up.
Gwen: It took three days for Tosh to clean up the CCTV footage. When you first talked to Ianto we didn’t have a clue what was going on.
Jack: He didn’t say anything.
Gwen: What was he going to say? “Thanks for abandoning us sir. I’ve been really trying to hold it together since you murdered my girlfriend and then you go and die then disappear without a trace within a few days and I just can’t wait to fall to pieces all over again.” And then as he didn’t say anything the first time it was even harder the second time.
Jack: I didn’t mean to hurt him. Or any of you.
Gwen: It’s not me you need to apologise to.
Doctor: Mind if I join in?
Jack: Doctor! Come meet Gwen.
Gwen: Hello Doctor.
Doctor: Hello. Did Jack tell you about the really cool market we went to today? They sold these fantastic little devices that can recognise a song that’s in your head and automatically produce a melody that will get it out of your head again, whilst simultaneously producing an amazing kaleidoscope effect of lights that vary in time with the music.
Gwen: He didn’t, no.
Doctor: And then yesterday there were these fish-like creatures that kidnapped Martha because they wanted to use her skin to cushion their eggs and Jack managed to work out a way to use the indigenous leaves as a camouflage and sneak up behind them, steal one of their own knives and negotiate the return of Martha as well as some of the delicious sponges that they cultivate, which are a rare delicacy in these parts because the Shriling are so loath to part with it.
Gwen: If this is your “not very interesting”, I’d hate to see you two on a busy day.
Jack: Well it sounds good when he says it like that.
Doctor: How else was I going to say it?
Jack: Oh I don’t know. Mention the part where you work out where they’re hiding Martha through a combination of blagging, natural charm and threats, or the part where my gun won’t fire because there’s water in the mechanism?
Doctor: What can I say? We complement each other.
Gwen: Glad to here it.
Jack: So what’s going on with Steve then?
Doctor: Steve?
Jack: Tosh’s new bloke.
Gwen: They’re going on a date tonight, I think.
Jack: Tell her I hope it goes well. And to not do anything I wouldn’t do.
Gwen: Does that rule anything out?
Jack: Seriously, I miss all you guys.
Gwen: And we all miss you, so you’d better come back. Or at least come online again soon.
Jack: Of course I will.
Gwen: Well I’d better get back to my filing. Ianto’ll kill me if I haven’t finished it by the time he gets back.
Gwen: Nice to meet you Doctor.
Doctor: Same to you Gwen.
Jack: Bye
Gwen: Bye
[conversation ends]
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