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Jack walks into the Hub looking weary. Only Ianto is there to great him.
“I’m sorry about your car, Ianto. I’ve sent it to be cleaned so it should be ready by tomorrow.”
“It’s a pity you didn’t get to him in time, sir.”
“I don’t know about that.” He says with a sigh, “I always think that if someone wants to kill themselves then who are we to intervene. It’s their life, it’s their choice. Why should we force them to carry on living if they obviously don’t want to? It’s not as if he has any family who are going to miss him. It’s only his life he’s affecting. And your car of course, but all memory of him there can be washed away.”
“I believe they steam clean it, actually.”
Jack walks through the Hub pensively, not commenting on the pile of unfinished work on Owen’s desk or the homemade paper chains on Gwen’s. Even Myfanwy can feel his dark mood and doesn’t try to wheedle some extra food by dive-bombing him. Ianto follows behind him and gently removes the large, heavy coat, wishing all burdens could be removed as easily. As Ianto hangs the coat in the corner, Jack takes two glasses and pours whisky into both of them from a bottle kept for such occasions.
“You weren’t too late, were you sir?”
“What makes you say that Ianto?”
“Your coat smells of exhaust fumes.”
Jack pauses a moment and takes a sip of his whisky.
Eventually he takes a deep breath and looks up, his pale blue eyes meeting with Ianto’s dark ones. “No, you’re right. I was with him. I guess I can add carbon monoxide poisoning to the list of things that can’t kill me.”
“Why do you keep doing it Jack? Is life really that bad for you?”
“Can’t you understand why someone would want to quit this life, with all its trauma and hardships?”
“But Suzie said there was nothing.”
“Don’t you ever think how peaceful that would be? I mean I always imagined heaven and hell to be just like earth but all the evil things and people are in hell and all the good things and people are in heaven. Imagine what it would be like, leaving the world just to find that the next one was even worse and there was no way to escape – it just went on forever ‘cos you couldn’t die again. But if there is nothing then the end is really an end when it finally comes. It’s all over. You don’t have to carry on struggling through every day.”
“You feel like you’re living in hell?”
“In hell there are no good things. I might not be able to escape the bad things here however hard I try, but at least there are good thing here too. Any world with you in it can’t be all bad. It’s just, what’s life worth, if you can’t risk it now and again?”
Ianto is at a loss for what to say but Jack just reaches out a hand to him across the table. They sit in the gathering darkness, the soft lighting accentuating the sheen of the whisky still sitting on the table next to their clasped hands. Ianto’s long delicate fingers entwined with Jack’s thicker, more powerful ones, his thumb gently stroking the back of the older man’s hand. All that can be said is done so in a warm genuine smile, more in the eyes than the mouth. And it’s enough to get them through one more day.
“I’m sorry about your car, Ianto. I’ve sent it to be cleaned so it should be ready by tomorrow.”
“It’s a pity you didn’t get to him in time, sir.”
“I don’t know about that.” He says with a sigh, “I always think that if someone wants to kill themselves then who are we to intervene. It’s their life, it’s their choice. Why should we force them to carry on living if they obviously don’t want to? It’s not as if he has any family who are going to miss him. It’s only his life he’s affecting. And your car of course, but all memory of him there can be washed away.”
“I believe they steam clean it, actually.”
Jack walks through the Hub pensively, not commenting on the pile of unfinished work on Owen’s desk or the homemade paper chains on Gwen’s. Even Myfanwy can feel his dark mood and doesn’t try to wheedle some extra food by dive-bombing him. Ianto follows behind him and gently removes the large, heavy coat, wishing all burdens could be removed as easily. As Ianto hangs the coat in the corner, Jack takes two glasses and pours whisky into both of them from a bottle kept for such occasions.
“You weren’t too late, were you sir?”
“What makes you say that Ianto?”
“Your coat smells of exhaust fumes.”
Jack pauses a moment and takes a sip of his whisky.
Eventually he takes a deep breath and looks up, his pale blue eyes meeting with Ianto’s dark ones. “No, you’re right. I was with him. I guess I can add carbon monoxide poisoning to the list of things that can’t kill me.”
“Why do you keep doing it Jack? Is life really that bad for you?”
“Can’t you understand why someone would want to quit this life, with all its trauma and hardships?”
“But Suzie said there was nothing.”
“Don’t you ever think how peaceful that would be? I mean I always imagined heaven and hell to be just like earth but all the evil things and people are in hell and all the good things and people are in heaven. Imagine what it would be like, leaving the world just to find that the next one was even worse and there was no way to escape – it just went on forever ‘cos you couldn’t die again. But if there is nothing then the end is really an end when it finally comes. It’s all over. You don’t have to carry on struggling through every day.”
“You feel like you’re living in hell?”
“In hell there are no good things. I might not be able to escape the bad things here however hard I try, but at least there are good thing here too. Any world with you in it can’t be all bad. It’s just, what’s life worth, if you can’t risk it now and again?”
Ianto is at a loss for what to say but Jack just reaches out a hand to him across the table. They sit in the gathering darkness, the soft lighting accentuating the sheen of the whisky still sitting on the table next to their clasped hands. Ianto’s long delicate fingers entwined with Jack’s thicker, more powerful ones, his thumb gently stroking the back of the older man’s hand. All that can be said is done so in a warm genuine smile, more in the eyes than the mouth. And it’s enough to get them through one more day.
Second version here